The sigh of a happy heart

After a seven year absence, yesterday I drove to Rudford just outside of Gloucester to attend this month's retreat. This is what I wrote in my spiritual journal not long after the day had begun:

Oh, how my soul sang as I drove the familiar route to Rudford, and oh, how my soul sighed with joy and peace as my car turned into the avenue of trees on the approach to the church. How my soul has needed this quiet, this peace, this place."

A good friend from Kendal Road happened to also be there so we took time for a catch up through the day as conversation was allowed. The day was led by a Methodist minister, Rev. Diana Clutterbuck on the theme 'Let Jesus go!' reflecting on Ascension and Pentecost. She introduced the day by speaking about us being 'clothed' in the Spirit ready for a new season of ministry and mission inaugurated by Jesus' leaving. 

I initially sat in the school room and created a Bible journalling piece and then spent some time communing with God under a beautiful tree with green and bronze leaves that wafted gently in the welcome breeze on what, quite frankly, was an extremely hot day!

After midday prayers, also led by Diane, to encourage us to dig deeper into our reflection on the passages from Acts that she had provided we shared lunch together and then I went on a walk. This is a walk I know well having followed the pathway a number of times on previous occasions and it was such a pleasure to follow the route again.

As the day drew to a close I knew that I'd have to consider how to return at some point, but then the topic for next month was announced: "One foot in front of the other: exploring pilgrimage and journeying." And with those words I knew straight away that if at all possible I'll be setting that day aside in my diary to return to Rudford. I've decided that the drive there and back is definitely worth the opportunity to spend some time in this very beautiful and sacred space. A place that has been so instrumental in my spiritual journey, and one that I'm sure will continue to be. And it's also made me consider just how I might be able to take something of the practice of Rudford and create a retreat space for others to benefit from intentionally setting aside time to dwell in God's presence.

The Bible journalling piece I created was based around the first passage of scripture from the beginning of Acts on the ascension. A phrase in Acts 1:4 caught my eye: "Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift my Father promised, which you heard me speak about."

And what a gift yesterday was - 'almost' worth the long wait to encounter God's Spirit there in scripture and scenery and silence. In the final session of the day we have the opportunity to share with others where we've seen God during the day and I shared that I felt I had been reclothed in the quietness that spending the day at Rudford had brought and this was a true gift and a blessing!

Unfortunately the day passed so quickly, and because I prioritised the walk, I didn't get to complete the companion piece I had in mind for the second passage of scripture in Acts 2. But I remedied that this morning and created this piece:

What a joy to spend this day dwelling in God's presence and what a joy to know I'll have the opportunity to do so again a whole lot sooner than another 7 year wait! 

Inspiring and inspired

Over the past few weeks as I've retraced my steps to visit people and places of significance I have been surprised time and time again by what God has brought to mind and what He has revealed to me through the encounters with others. 

To continue my collection of stamps from cathedrals I took the opportunity to visit Coventry Cathedral as it's not too far to travel from Yardley. 

Having taken a moment to wander round the old cathedral I then went to explore the new. I love this cathedral because I find the amazing artworks and visual installations so inspiring.

Of course not forgetting the stunningly beautiful Baptistery Window which looked particularly lovely with the sun shining through the central white to yellow panels and quite frankly deserved a picture all by itself. If I could bring this window home with me I would - it's truly lovely! 

However, as I looked around I was suddenly struck by a strong recollection of visiting with my parents back in 1991 when we came to attend a silver jubilee celebration service for Time for God. As we sat waiting for the service to begin a gentleman approached my Dad and greeted him by name as he'd recognised my Dad as having once been his Sunday school teacher many years before. This chap had been one of the first volunteers for Time for God and his son was part of my year group. Dad really enjoyed catching up with him and it was a joy for him to discover how he'd been a part of this man's faith journey to this point of encounter. 

And this reminded me that, in going through some old boxes to find some material from my Time for God experience to share with the folk at the friary in East London, I found I'd kept the old Baptist Times which had an article in about the service and about this very gentleman too - though not surprisingly there's nothing about him meeting with my Dad!!

The thing is that in walking in my own footsteps during my sabbatical I've been so encouraged and inspired to see glimpses of how, through my ministry, people have been encouraged and supported. I say this not to blow my own trumpet - far from it - any legacy that I've left is because of God working through me. So all praise to Him! But sometimes we can wonder what effect, indeed if any, we might have as agents of God's kingdom, and can easily underestimate God at work in and through what we do and say and how this impacts others. I think we can feel that our contribution is insignificant, but maybe just maybe something we've done has been the conduit for God's Spirit to impact someone in a really profound and lifelong way. 

And also, as I've expressed my thanks to others for their part in my own journey folk generally have been surprised and somewhat taken aback, though hopefully pleasantly so. I think we need to be a people who express our gratitude to others more freely. After all, this is what Paul was keen for the Christians in Thessalonica to do:

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up...

1 Thessalonians 5:11a

So if there's someone who has impacted you and your journey of faith, if you've never taken the opportunity, why not drop them a line, send a card or pick up the phone and tell them? Because as we do this not only do we acknowledge God's faithfulness in our own lives but this also provides the opportunity to build others up too!

Give thanks with a grateful heart

Give thanks with a grateful heart,

Give thanks to the Holy one,

Give thanks because He's given,

Jesus Christ His Son.

And now,

Let the weak say I am strong.

Let the poor say I am rich.

Because of what,

The Lord has done for us.

Give thanks.

Henry Smith *© Copyright 1978 Integrity’s Hosanna! Music

So says the chorus that once was quite a familiar and frequent part of our church hymnody. I can't honestly remember the last time I sang it in a service, but these were the words God brought to mind as I make my way home from a visit to Bristol to catch up with a college friend from my Redcliffe days. 

I am heading homewards with a grateful heart for the friendship we share. We both started at college together 20 years ago this year, and despite not being able to meet up all that frequently due to the busyness of both our lives, our friendship is one of those where we can meet up and when we do it's as if we saw each other yesterday. What a blessing such friendships are!

This catch-up has been part of my intentional sabbatical plan to meet up with folk who have been a part of my journey and have been instrumental in my journey to where I am now. So far I've met with this college friend, a school friend (our friendship has lasted 40 years so far and counting!), a couple from Bible study/friendship group we were a part of, and some of my prayer support partners from my initial ministry formation training.

These times of meeting up have been truly rich experiences as we've spent time together. And it's been a joy to talk about my sabbatical experiences so far as well as life in general, and to intentionally thank them for their friendship and how I have been blessed by knowing them. I don't think I have often taken time to do this, but it's been important for me to do so as, because I am a stronger and richer person because of them and the friendship we share.

It was sunny in Birmingham when I left, but the weather in Bristol was rather different so we made our way through the rain to the cathedral for a wander and to grab some lunch. As we entered there was a little shop to one side and my eye was drawn to a 'pilgrim passport'. I picked it up and flicked through the pages and was immediately struck by some of the quotes at the bottom of the pages waiting for stickers or stamps from the various cathedrals around the UK. 

I decided to get one so I could consider the quotes at more length. Perhaps particularly because that last phrase 'just go' has great resonance for me in my journey with God, but also so I'll have a place to keep a record of the cathedrals I'll visit in times to come. I began the collection today with a sticker from Bristol Cathedral. I think making a collection of stamps in my Pilgrim Credenziale on my walk has started something!!

In taking the above photos I've just noticed that the introduction to the passport says this:

"Many of us see life as a journey enriched by special people and special places."

How apt to find this on a day when I've met with just such a special person that should continue to remind me of these other special times I've enjoyed recently. And so, I will continue on my way home giving thanks because of what the Lord has done for me in providing me such wonderful people to journey with!

A smashing time in Weston!

This past weekend was another opportunity to invest time in the relationships with family and friends that seem to inevitably get compromised by the shape of ministry life.

Bright and early on Saturday morning I made my way to Gloucester to meet up with my middle child who then drove us on the motorway (their first time and they did rather well!) down to Weston-super-mare so we could do a Rage Room together, and as an added bonus go crazy golfing as well!

Unlike Go Ape, which I did with my youngest a few weeks back (Canopy challenges), I've never tried a Rage Room before, but having given each of my children free rein to choose what we do together this is what had been requested. 

If you don't know (and I didn't until I'd looked it up), a rage room is an opportunity to release pent-up frustration or anger by smashing and destroying various objects in a safe and supervised setting and are designed to provide an outlet for emotional release in a controlled and legal manner or alternatively basically allow people to have a fun time smashing things to smithereens. And I think that, rather than arriving furious with current emotions to express, we ended up having a go at processing some of the historical situations that had made us mad, though mainly had a bit of a laugh smashing old unwanted donated charity items, empty bottles and a defunct TV!

Smashing plates with a sledge hammer!

We reflected after that, even though we hadn't been particularly cross, as an activity it was quite cathartic, especially as you don't often get permission to do this kind of thing and don't have to tidy up afterwards either! And also we found some of it quite funny. Especially when we tried to smash some of the bottles we were provided with. Despite hitting some of them quite hard - they ended up bouncing intact off the walls rather than breaking up which made us laugh a lot! It's so good to have the opportunity to do something and to laugh together - so good for the soul!!

After the rage room on day 1, we then did crazy golf on day 2 which gave us further opportunity to share. We had varying degrees of success with the different holes, though I will confess to doing a little impromptu victory lap when I got a hole-in-one! 

This past weekend together will be added to my treasury of experiences from this sabbatical - times that will enrich our relationship going forward! And I'm so grateful to have had the time to connect deeply with my now grown-up children in a way that hasn't been possible since stepping into ministerial life around 10 years ago.

You see I believe that connecting with others is what God designed us to do. 

In the current book I'm now reading - Metamorph by Rev. Kate Coleman - she explores the story of Moses when God 'burns' with anger when Moses asks Him to send someone else to Pharaoh rather than Him (Exodus 4:14). I have to say this felt kind of appropriate to read having just done a rage room - though I'm not suggesting in any way that God needs to go and do a rage room!

Kate writes that God's anger serves a purpose beyond frustration and suggests this: "Is it possible that God who exists in community and who creates community for us becomes exasperated when we forget this?" (p.57)

In community we all have our individual unique purposes to bring to our shared life together, but this also brings opportunity to support one another within that same community. And that should be the case in our personal family lives, just as it should be in our church family life. My hope is that my personal familial relationships will be strengthened by the times we have shared together whilst I've been on sabbatical.

Then, as I return to YBC, the times we've connected in the past as a church family, and as we go on to share, will strengthen us individually, and also as a community.

My hope is that we seek to work together with God to bring about His kingdom purposes and continue to find more and more ways to connect together, 'do life' together, and live, laugh and love together - just as God intended!

Retreat, retreat!!

When I was in ministerial formation in Gloucester a local Anglian church, in a little village called Rudford just outside the city, set up a new monthly retreat and it became a regular part of my spiritual practice. Once a month I'd head off to the tiny church and meet with other folk to explore various themes. We'd meet for coffee and an introduction to the day by whoever was leading before entering into a period of silence. We'd then gather again for a time of reflection in the chapel before sharing lunch together. We then had a second session of quiet before a final opportunity of getting together to reflect on how God has spoken to us during the day.  

These opportunities to pause amid the busyness of church/study/college/family life were very special times - ones that I eagerly looked forward to each month. And as I look forward to returning I am realising just how much I have really missed having this practice as a part of my walk with God. I definitely will be exploring what options there might be locally for something similar.

I was also privileged to be invited to lead one of the retreats at Rudford before I moved on to Stevenage, and used the model for the running of the day (with permission) when I went on to lead retreats in my new pastorate.

Attending the retreats at Rudford inspired the following reflection: 

Encountering-space

Arrival:

Coming apart from life

With all its incessant demands

I pass beneath cathedral-esque

God-crafted

High arching beams of green

My spirit sighs

And breathes release

As I come to this place of peace

And encounter

Where I can rest

My soul restored

By heavy quietness

Weighted by Your presence

That is so evident here

I come to dwell

In quiet contemplation

Awaiting Your heavenly caress

To touch my heart

My mind

My soul

Here:

I sit

Beneath man-crafted

High-arching beams of deepest oak

Stark dark ribs overhead

This building's skeleton exposed

Held aloft by grey pock-marked columns

And walls the colour of thick and clotted cream

A coolness hangs suspended in the air

An age-old buildings sigh

And a hazy aqua-tinted light bathes this ancient place

Criss-crossed with tempered lead

My hands caress the weathered seat

Worn smooth by touch through centuries long

And I am connected in this moment

To a worship through the years

That echoes back and forth in time

For I am simply one of many

To bring my adoration of the Holy One

To this set-apart place

I have come

To encounter God afresh

And I have met Him here

In these moments,

In this sacred space

Hallowed by the timeless worship of Him

Historical holiness

Yet as new as it is old

Pervades this place

The wood

The stone

The light

The air

The very elements that surround me

Are also Him

And I know that I am blessed

In holy encounter

My soul is once again refreshed

Leaving:

And so I return

Down tree-lined chancel

Back to the world beyond

The echo of this encounter

With the God of all time and space

Resonating 

In my heart

My mind

My soul.

Because this place was so formative in my spiritual journeying I'm excited to be returning there in a couple of weeks for their next retreat day. The theme will be based around Ascension and Pentecost and I'm really looking forward to having the opportunity to revisit this precious place that has been a place where I encountered God in many different ways whilst I attended over the years.

But this is not the only retreat I'll be going on. In a few weeks time as my sabbatical comes towards a conclusion I'll be heading to Worcestershire to Glasshampton Monastery for a few days of silent retreat.

(C) WikiCommons: Philip Halling

This is a place that was recommended to me by a friend, but as I investigated the possibility of staying there I discovered it was set up by Father William Sirr who served at The Society of the Divine Compassion in Plaistow - so this feels like a beautiful God-incidence! 

My plan is to spend my couple of days there reflecting on all that God has brought my attention to during this time of sabbatical.

Pondering and praise

Having finished the book on Sabbath, these past couple of weeks I've been digging into a book called 'Ministry Rediscovered' by Mike Starkey. 

It was a recommendation I spotted on a ministers online forum a while back and made a note to add it to my reading list for this sabbatical and I'm glad I did! There is a lot of thought provoking content about vision and mission linking into the idea of pilgrimage so I've made some notes and will be continuing to ponder on what God has been bringing to my attention.

The book concluded with a prayer from a Lutheran book of worship that has strong echoes with my pilgrim prayer from my pilgrimage in Italy: https://revalitaylor.blogspot.com/2025/04/the-prayer-of-pilgrim.html?m=1 So I printed it out and spent some time engaging with it creatively whilst I thought about the words so I could add it to my spiritual journal and put it alongside a copy of the pilgrims prayer. 

Alongside doing more reading I popped into town last Sunday and attended Gas Street Central Church. During lockdown I'd come across 'Family at 4' - an online worship session for families that I encouraged the Bunyan church families to connect with whilst we couldn't meet in person. The sessions were led by Nick and Becky Drake and their children and through this I discovered they were worship leaders at Gas Street Central. In engaging with the worship times they shared some of their great songs including 'Every step' which I'd sung the week before at Bunyan and have since introduced at YBC. So now, with Gas Street being way more local to me than when I lived in Stevenage I thought this would be a good opportunity to visit. Had Nick and Becky been there I would have thanked them for all they did during lockdown, but although they weren't there one of the songs was a new one by them. It was a great reworking of 'Jesus' love is very wonderful' that I'd love to sing again sometime - if you fancy a listen yourself then here's a link to Becky herself singing it: https://youtu.be/MVnXGi6fiB4?si=f5Usy_68NZiSm9g-  One for YBC in the future maybe?!